The day I found out I had Cancer
20th December 2019, just before Christmas I found out that I was diagnosed with Lymphoma. I remember getting the phone call from my nurse that morning telling me could I come up to the hospital, that they had my results. I knew deep down it wasn't good news. I remember coming off the phone call and going to my dad, bursting into tears as I just knew bad news was coming my way.
The drive over to the hospital was one of the longest drives of my life. I was so frightened but at the same time at least I knew I would know finally what was wrong with me.
My nurse took myself, and my mum and dad into a room and when I heard the words come out of her mouth that they found something sinister, that I had cancer I just froze. In that moment my world was flipped upside down. I felt like my heart had just stopped. I couldn't believe this was happening, why me? what did I ever do to deserve this?. So many thoughts racing around my head. I just wanted to curl up into a ball. We all burst into tears. It was even harder to see my mum and dad so upset. Their daughter had just be diagnosed with cancer. No parent should have to go through that.
I was told that I would have to have chemotherapy, that my hair will probably fall out and that if the first chemotherapy treatment didn't give a full response I may have to be put on a stronger chemotherapy that could make me infertile.
Now for anyone who knows me, knows how much I want to have a family of my own, so to hear that made me breakdown even more, never mind being told I was going to lose my beautiful hair as well as having cancer. So I was given the chance to go through fertility treatment which i will talk about in a separate blog page. I knew deep down I had to go through the fertility treatment just encase this chemotherapy (ABVD) didn't work. However this meant that I would have to delay cancer treatment for 2 weeks as the fertility treatment had to be done before hand. I only had a short time to make this life changing decision, but I chose to go through the fertility treatment with my fiance knowing that I would be allowing this cancer to grow a further two weeks. I am so glad I did take that chance.
Thankfully the ABVD chemotherapy worked and I was told I was in remission on my 4th round of chemotherapy, the happiest day of my life by far. So my fertility has not been affected. ABVD, especially if you are young should not ruin your chances of conceiving, in fact my periods have not stopped while I am on chemotherapy, which I am so grateful for.
At least now I had an answer to what was wrong with me and a treatment plan that would start as soon as possible, but the unknowing of if it would work or not was terrifying. Not knowing if you would be around much longer broke my heart. I am only 23, I have my whole life ahead of me and I didn't want it to be taken from me. I was only starting to feel like it was just starting, as I am in my first full time graduate job, getting married and getting my own house.
I can tell you Christmas in 2019 and new year was not celebrated much in my household. What a time to find out you have cancer. I cannot wait to say goodbye to 2020.
Anyone who is reading this, who is going through Lymphoma, please please please know it was not your fault. You did nothing to cause this. There is no evidence that any lifestyle factors cause Lymphoma. It just is unlucky.
If i can beat Lymphoma then you can too!
(Picture is from time.com)