The 26th June 2020 finally arrived, 6 months of treatment and nearly 1 year on from when I first noticed my swollen nodes on the left hand side of my neck. I am so glad that this day finally arrived, it felt like years and my body was starting to really struggle.
However some people may think that now treatment is finished I can get back to normal life, that it is all over. Let me tell you it is not the end. My life will never be the same, and I have many scary months ahead. I have to get another PET/CT scan done 6 weeks after my final treatment to make sure the Lymphoma is still gone from my body. As I am writing this blog, nearly 2 weeks from finishing treatment I can tell you all that I am struggling to stay positive as I am so worried off the Lymphoma reappearing. I have my life back and I do not ever want that feeling to be took from me again. I don't want to have to go through this all again. I am finding myself touching my nodes making sure that they are still the same size a lot, and I am trying not to but I can't help it. Its hard to not think about it especially with COVID/19 as I can't do very much to keep my mind of it. After the scan I then have followup appointments every 2 months for 3 years, a constant reminder of what I have been through, but I am so glad I will be getting these followup appointments to help reassure myself that everything is okay. After the 3 years, if all is well I will be discharged from the hospital. This scares me a little as at least the followup appointments will give me reassurance if I am worried about anything, once I am discharged I wont feel that same reassurance anymore, but on the other hand I can really then start to move on from this chapter of my life.
So yes I am so grateful to be finished treatment and that I am in remission, however I still have a long road ahead. I also have to recover from the treatment which could take months, or even years. Later on in life I may even develop other side effects from the chemotherapy, no body knows, and that not knowing is scary.
I was in constant fighting mode throughout treatment, now I can sit back and take a deep breath, and really think about what I have been through this last year. I didn't think I would be so strong and cope with it the way I did. I am proud of myself, but wish I never had to go through it.
I finally got to ring the bell after my last treatment was administered. A feeling I can't describe. Lets just say it was magical.
Last time having this awful drug administered through my vein.
Getting to finally ring the bell after 12 rounds of chemotherapy